Sigh of relief

It’s back-to-school time, that time of year when most parents breathe a sigh of relief and look forward to enjoying some peace and quiet, especially those who stay at home with their children during the summer.

I’m sure there are some parents who are a bit sad when summer comes to an end. Summer definitely has its share of pluses – not-so-strict schedules, warm weather, vacations, more time for relaxation … But some of us have other reasons to not look forward to a new school year.

While I enjoy the silence as much as anyone – in fact, probably a lot more than most – and I do look forward to having more time to myself to actually try to get something done, sending my children back to school isn’t exactly my favorite time of the year, and it’s not just because I don’t get to sleep late on school mornings.

For many people on the autism spectrum, changes to daily routines can create a lot of problems. The reason for this is because daily life is a constant barrage of unknowns, so those on the spectrum rely on strict routines, habits, and schedules to provide themselves something known and familiar in order to find some calm and comfort in a strange, noisy, sensory-filled world. Surprises, chaos, and uncertainty are not easily tolerated by autistic people.

As Theresa Jolliffe explains, “Reality to an autistic person is a confusing, interacting mass of events, people, places, sounds, and sights. There seems to be no clear boundaries, order, or meaning to anything. A large part of my life is spent trying to work out the patterns behind everything. Set routines, times, particular routes, and rituals all help to get order into an unbearably chaotic life. Trying to keep everything the same reduces some of the terrible fear.”

I briefly mentioned before in my Autism 101 post how one of the defining characteristics for a diagnosis of autism is that a person must insist on things remaining the same, have inflexible adherence to routines, or have ritualized patterns, but I can’t overstate how important patterns and routines are and how much chaos can be caused when one of these is disrupted.

In my son’s case, the end result is usually a meltdown of varying intensity, where he becomes completely uncommunicative and essentially stops functioning. Often times he loses all self-control and takes out his frustrations on anything he can get his hands on. These episodes can last anywhere from 20 or 30 minutes to several hours, depending on how severe they are. I have come to dread any change in routine that might set off an avalanche.

My son started junior high a few weeks ago. New building, new schedule, new teachers, new classrooms, new locker combination, new everything – the perfect recipe for a potential storm. He didn’t outwardly appear to be too anxious about starting junior high, but I know I had enough anxiety about it for the both of us.

Before the school year started, I emailed all of his new teachers, explaining that he’s autistic and that it might take awhile for him to adjust to his new environment. Without knowing this, others could easily assume that he’s giving them a hard time when, in reality, he’s the one having a hard time when problems arise.

We also were able to meet most of his teachers and tour the school at orientation before the first day of classes. And, most importantly, we met his new special education teacher and discussed ways to help the transition go more smoothly.

After the second week of school, I received the following email from one of his teachers.

School. Year. Made.

Words aren’t adequate to describe how much it meant to receive this short message. It’s easy to get discouraged when someone you love more than anything in the world has to navigate so many challenges every day and you know that life will never be easy for them. You don’t ever know whether others will be able to see through all of the issues and understand who your loved one really is and just how special they are.

Don’t get me wrong – there have been some issues even in these few short weeks and I’ve spent quite a bit of time on the phone with people at school discussing strategies and ways to help both him and them. The transition hasn’t been completely smooth-sailing, but it has definitely gone better than I had feared it would.

And now it’s my turn to finally breathe a sigh of relief. At least for today.