There’s something you should know about me, and I’m afraid it’s bad. Really bad.
*deep breath* OK, here goes nothing …..
… I’m a picky eater. There, I said it. No one likes a picky eater, after all, right?
Have you ever taken one of those online quizzes to determine whether or not you’re a picky eater? I don’t have to take a quiz to know that I am one, but I posted the following list of various foods and drinks on my Facebook page once and asked people how many of these items they wouldn’t dare consume. Most said none or maybe one. And me? 41! Unfortunately, like golf, having a high score in this situation is not a badge of honor. Believe it or not, if I had taken this quiz as a child the score would have been even higher. In that case, I would have added garlic, lettuce, broccoli, spinach, mayonnaise, soy sauce, tomatoes, mushrooms, and oranges to the list. (See? It could always be worse.)
I’ve always been acutely aware that bearing the ‘picky’ label is not something of which to be proud. Much to my chagrin, my highly discerning palate has always seemed to cause others nothing but problems. I know it created grief for my parents when I wouldn’t eat certain things as a child, and I can understand their concern for my nutritional welfare.
This unfortunate characteristic of mine has other adverse side effects as well. As a guest at someone else’s table, I will shamefully pass the bowl of peas, hoping they won’t notice that I didn’t put a spoonful on my plate. Of course, no one outside of my family could possibly know of my extreme choosiness beforehand, and I always feel guilty in case the host thinks I’m insulting their cooking. And sometimes it can be a real challenge to find something on a restaurant menu that I can stomach.
So why don’t I just suck it up and take a bite of those peas, just to appease everyone and avoid any awkwardness and hurt feelings? The reason is simple to state but likely difficult for others to understand.
The reason is because I can’t. No doubt you’re reading this and thinking, “What’s the big deal? Just eat it already, it’s not that difficult!” Let me try to explain.
The biggest problem for me is my heightened sensory awareness, which is very common for people on the spectrum. Certain smells and tastes are so strong they overwhelm me. Additionally, I’m very sensitive to textures and the way certain foods feel in my mouth.
Two of my eternal gustatory nemeses are coffee and onions. I have always hated the smell of coffee. I used to have a piano teacher who kept a pot of coffee on all day long. By the time I showed up for my lesson in the late afternoon, the coffee would be burnt, but she still drank it anyway. During my lessons she would lean in close to me and exhale that awful aroma directly in my face. It’s a miracle I never vomited all over her piano. After that trauma, you couldn’t pay me all the money in the world to drink coffee.
And then there’s onions. Not only do I not like the way they taste, but the worst part for me is the crunch when I bite into one, regardless of how minutely it has been diced. There’s hardly anything I can tolerate less when it comes to food than to be blissfully enjoying a delicious dish only to suddenly bite into a crunchy onion when I least expect it. All appeal is suddenly lost.
I used to love Cap’n Crunch cereal as a kid, but I couldn’t eat a single bite until each piece had soaked up enough milk to turn the whole bowl soggy. Ironically, I didn’t like crunchy Cap’n Crunch. If you were alive in the 1980s, you might remember the commercials where Cap’n Crunch battles his enemies, the Soggies. Well, I for one was rooting for the Soggies. To this day I let my Quaker Oatmeal Squares and Cracklin’ Oat Bran soak in milk for a good twenty minutes before I partake.
Another part of the issue is that autistic people need routine and familiarity. Often people on the spectrum eat the same foods over and over and become distressed and anxious when something unexpected intrudes on their routine. (I’ve previously written about why rituals and routines are so vitally important to people on the spectrum. Refer to my posts titled Oh, the noise, noise, noise, NOISE!, Sigh of relief, and The price of a gallon of milk for more in-depth information on this topic.)
In his best-selling work titled Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity, author Steve Silberman chronicles the story of Leo Rosa, an eleven-year-old autistic boy whose particular idiosyncrasies include a diet consisting of only “peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, bananas, guacamole, Goldfish crackers, and Veggie Booty popcorn snacks.” After reading books written by parents of autistic children and consulting with alternative therapists, Leo’s parents placed him on a gluten-free casein-free (GFCF) diet in an effort to “cure” his autism. Instead of improving his situation, however, completely upending Leo’s routine made him miserable and caused him significant regression.
I could write at length about various foods and why I can’t tolerate them, but hopefully you get the idea. The main point I hope you take away from this is that I don’t believe anyone who is overly choosy about which foods and drinks they consume actually chooses to be the way they are. We don’t just decide one day that we won’t eat this or that. It’s not a switch we can turn on and off whenever we wish. I guarantee you that we picky eaters would not choose to be this way if we could help it.
We are not trying to be difficult or insulting or cause problems. We’re just trying to find enough to eat to satisfy our hunger and get through a meal without anyone’s feelings getting hurt, including our own.
So please try not to take offense when I decline your cup of coffee. Although I have become less selective over the years, I doubt that I will ever overcome that particular hurdle. And I am more than OK with that. I hope you will be, too.